I am crap at writing bios

But more and more lately I need a bio, either short or long, to give to someone. The one on my bio page is boring and stilted. This will not do. Help me out here — point to some awesome author bios that you really like. Or, rewrite my bio to make it more exciting! Or make up a fictional bio for yourself and post it in the comments.

6 thoughts on “I am crap at writing bios

  1. Psh, I CAN’T EVEN WRITE MY OWN BIO. **_**

    K. Tempest Bradford once strangled a leopard just to see if it would turn blue. She invented a wildly popular strain of candy and then disappeared out of thin air for eight years, only to return as the queen of a small republic (oxymoronish as this seems). She currently lives in New York, and has been known to eat small children who don’t behave.

  2. I think the one on my site is a pretty decent example of a bio for people like us who don’t have Hugos. :) It’s hard to write them when you don’t have a ton to say, so just have fun with it.

  3. Yeah, I’m not very good at it either. I always have to suppress the tendency to make shit up entirely. It’s unfair that people think just because I’ve never been to prison or space, I shouldn’t say I have. You’ve seen the one on my myspace? The Mack Bolan bio? I wish I could just use that for everything….

  4. K. Tempest Bradford’s first name is actually Potassium, the result of her parents’ lifelong study of the nutritional value of bananas. She spent her childhood in South America climbing banana trees, and to this day lives in New York in a building with no elevator.

    Although she is a member of the Black Beans writing group, she actually prefers pinto beans. Or maybe cannellini. Her inability to choose just one kind explains her membership in the Interstitial Arts Foundation, and her preference for three-bean salad. She has never eaten an insect on purpose, but belongs to Electrice Velocipede anyway.

    And so forth!

    (Somebody’s dinner is not cooking fast enough.)

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